Who Have You Chosen To Be In Your Circle Of Influence?

"I always say that you don't need lots of friends. You just need people in your life that will encourage you and motivate you ..."

One way to build personal resilience when it comes to life challenges, is to develop a good support network - your circle of influence. A strong support network will prep you at the start line, cheer you on during the toughest laps of your sprints and marathons, celebrate your efforts at the finish line, and do it all again for your next race.

In part three of our five-part post, Toyin speaks to Yaaya about why support networks are both powerful and important, who sits within her circle of influence, and how we can rise by lifting others.

And so the conversation continues …

Because Life Is Not A Solo Act

 

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Yaaya:

How important are networks of support?

Toyin O:

I think it is extremely important. For me personally, I always say that you don't need lots of friends. You just need people in your life that will encourage you and motivate you, even if it is just three people. If you don't have that, it's good that you can find that in different places, as long as they are like-minded people and they have a positive influence on you. It's amazing how much that can push you. Friends will call me to ask for advice on their situation, and by the end of the conversation, they haven't only just learnt from me, I have also learned from them.

Yaaya:

Can you comment on the importance specifically for black girls and women?

Toyin O:

It is important especially for black girls and women. We go through a lot of stuff - it's almost like we have this stigma that we are born with. I mean not only are you a woman, but you are also black. I know times are changing, but it's not changing as fast as they should be. So sometimes it's good to have a woman that has been through those social challenges of being a black woman.

In this day and age, these young girls are growing up and seeing things that are misguiding them, and they need positive people around them to support and help put them back on the right track. Like little girls saying they want to be porn stars, it breaks my heart. And sometimes I feel it's hard when you have older parents, because sometimes you don't want to listen to them. So it's good to just be able to have someone you can just click with.

Yaaya:

How can role models or those that have gone before us be support networks?

Toyin O:

When you know somebody or somebody from somebody that you can say that you know has done this, or worked there, or started her own business, it gives support and motivation for your own dreams.

Some girl that I know, that I knew while growing up, opened up her own salon. And it's like "woah, she's giving me motivation!" I wanted to start my business years ago, but I was sort of slacking. So now I am seeing loads of black women my age doing well and succeeding. That is encouraging me to work hard and strive. My sister started her own business too.

Yaaya:

How do you network to create a great support network?

Toyin O:

There are all these mentoring schemes going on. For example, Sotonye Duri, organises lots of these motivational speaking events, which are great if you are woman that wants to succeed, be empowered, and inspire because you can be mentored by a woman there already doing the same. So that is one of many good ways to gather people around you that have achieved so that they can work alongside you as you work at your own achievements.

Yaaya:

In a previous Question of the Month, Yaaya asked “who/what are your most valuable support networks?” We'd be interested to hear your response.

Toyin O:

My support network is my family. I always tell people, I don't need lots of friends. I have four sisters that love me regardless, so if you don't want to be my friend, I am not bothered.

I am so close to my family, and my partner has a big family as well. So we're both really family-oriented, and that's where we get our support from. I know regardless of what happens to me, or what happens in my life, my family will always be there. They are not going to judge me, so whatever I am going through, I know I can always go to them. So they are my greatest support. Whether I am starting a new job, or a starting my own business, they are the ones that will be cheering "go Toyin, go Toyin!" (Laughs).

I want to say, that even you don't have a close family, you can have friends that are like family. You just need a close circle of friends that will support you.

Lift As We Rise

 

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Yaaya:

How important do you think it is to mentor others, especially black girls and women?

Toyin O:

I think it is very important. If you are in a position to help people, you should always do it. I feel like if you are reaching goals, you should always help other people come up as well. You shouldn't just want to only succeed by yourself. If you have learned something, impart your knowledge onto other people. That's why I always use my life as an example when I talk to people. If I am doing something well, why should I be keeping it a secret, because I would want others to do well too.

When I see my younger sisters' friends, I give them advice as well. If I see them slacking, I feel it is important to encourage them. Without you realising, these kids are looking up to you, and they've allowed you to have a platform in their lives where you can teach them how to do things better, how to be better, and to believe they can be successful.

The world shows them they can't, that they have to fit a certain criteria to be successful. So you have to constantly remind them that regardless of what the world or media says to them, they can be anything. You can be a dark-skinned woman and be the CEO of a company, and if you don't want to be the CEO of somebody else's company, create your own!

Woman In The Mirror

 

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Yaaya:

Looking at a younger version of yourself, what do you want to say to her?

Toyin O:

Be happy because everything is going to work out the way it is supposed to be. I feel like I can have no regrets because they girl that I was at say, ten years old, has helped shape the woman that I today.

The only thing I would have told my younger self is "just relax", because I stressed out a lot, especially when I was looking for a job. Whether it was the positive or negative things, everything worked out for this moment. So I am just grateful, so I just feel it is important to savour every moment.

I guess I feel like I should have told myself to stop stressing and enjoy life more because everything has worked out fine.

Yaaya:

Imagine being an older version of yourself, what would say to present day self?

Toyin O:

I told you you were going to be successful! (Laughs). I told you, I told you!

Yaaya:

Preach!

Stay connected for the penultimate part of our conversation with Toyin, where we discuss her social and cultural identity as a woman raised in Britain by traditional Nigerian parents. In this part of the interview, we also dispute the notion that ‘black is a behaviour’ and discuss why being the token black person might not be such a bad thing.

Like this post? Leave your comments below to continue to support Yaaya’s vision of providing platforms to voice powerful stories of incredible women like Toyin. Invite others to join the conversation by sharing this post!

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Disarming Ignorance And Empowering The Human Condition One Article At A Time

"To me, it's about being the type of journalist that makes people say ‘yes, I read that and it moved me.’"

Sitting in a busy sandwich shop in Westfield Stratford City, Yaaya welcomed the chance to capture the beginnings of Toyin’s journey of self-discovery as a journalist.

In the second post of our five-part interview, Toyin resolves the cliffhanger of the previous conversation. She candidly shares with us how she got her first internship with Heat magazine using a special formula: mix a little bit of luck with a whole lot of undeniable determination.

And so the conversation continues …

There's No Passenger Seat On A Journey Into Journalism

 

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Yaaya:

To quote what you previously said, how did you “blag your way in” to get a job at Heat magazine?

Toyin O:

So I walked in, and I pretended that I knew where I was going (laughs). I got to the reception, and I was like "oh, I've just been here, I am bit lost. I am trying to find Heat". The receptionist directed me to the location, and then I asked to speak to the editorial assistant. I introduced myself and said I was looking for an internship. She was looking at me as if to say, "you are not really supposed to be here," but I asked hopefully "is it possible to get anything [here]?"

Yaaya:

That takes guts.

Toyin O:

I think she sort of liked me, because I was like "anything, I don't mind". I was fortunate because a prospective intern had cancelled the week before. I was like "God is so good!" She took my CV and said she would call in the next half-hour. I walked out, and literally about ten minutes later, she asked "oh, can you come on Monday?" And I said "yes, I'm coming in!" (Laughs).

So I went in on Monday, literally it was so boring I did barely any writing.

Yaaya:

That is unfortunate. But what did you learn from the situation?

Toyin O:

It was a big wake up call, because I sort of realised that this is what journalism is about, it's not always about the glamour. So I stuck it through for the week. Luckily, I was smart because at Bauer Media, the offices have a lot of different publications. So I made a point of making friends.

Yaaya:

Kudos to you for recognising the importance of networking.

Toyin O:

So when my week was coming up, I was referred to an editorial assistant for More magazine who needed somebody for the following week. So I went to More magazine for a week. They realised I was capable, so they started giving me little bit more responsibility. For example, I wrote the captions.

Then after that, I worked at Closer magazine to help out on their web desk. I was asked if I had any web experience, and I have to confess that I blagged it a bit really: "Yeah, I've got it". The work was unpaid. Meanwhile, I was supposed to do something at my retail job, so I sort of called in sick, because for me, I'd rather do this [journalism] for no money than get paid to do something I wasn’t passionate about.

Yaaya:

True.

Toyin O:

So I went in for two weeks, I got to do some much writing for the website. They really liked me so they extended my internship. The web editor went on maternity leave, the assistant editor was away, and the lead writer took the position of the editor, so I was second-in-charge. They got me to do loads of things, and I got to go to all these events. I ended up staying at More for three months. It wasn't paid, but I got so much experience.

Yaaya:

But you left?

Toyin O:

The only reason I left was because I kept trying to get a permanent position there but there were issues with budget. And so it got to a point where my partner was like "babe, if you stay there, they are going to know you are just working for free and let you keep working for free. So you basically just have to step out, have a leap of faith, and hope that the experience you've got [with Heat and More] will get you another job closer to your goal.”

So I left More magazine and continued my work experience at the retail job. Then I applied for another internship, which was paid. I did a lot of internships, I even worked at a construction magazine for a bit. So I got the internship and I went in three days a week. I was supposed to be there for three months, and ended up staying there for six months. However, they couldn't employ me was because they were having to make cuts at the magazine. So I was like "drats ... again! No money!" (Laughs).

Yaaya:

Which magazine was this?

Toyin O:

Mobile magazine, it was a technology magazine. The thing is when I initially applied for it, it was just because it was paid and I would get to write. But I actually loved it! It was a technology magazine, and seemed like it was going to be so dull, but it wasn't. Anything that had to do with mobiles, sim cards, handsets, I would do it.

Yaaya:

Where there any career defining lessons or exciting opportunities in this role?

Toyin O:

Because I was the junior writer, they would send me out onto the streets to get stories. I got to see what kind of journalist I would like to be. While I was there, I got to go to Nice and Monaco for all these mobile technology events. I remember I went to Monaco because Orange were launching a new NFC device. but all the senior writers weren't able to go, so they were like "Toyin, do you want to go? Free holiday, first class ..." Of course I didn’t hesitate to accept. I stayed in a five-star hotel. From my balcony you could see all these beautiful yachts. I was there for a couple of days, I travelled first class. I'd never travelled first class in my entire life! It was amazing.

Yaaya:

Good on you for just putting your hand up for that opportunity. Sometimes an opportunity is just about taking a chance.

Toyin O:

IB Times had hired me because they had seen my writing at Mobile magazine. The job specification was actually for a general news writer, but they really needed a lifestyle writer. I accepted the role, and since then it has just got better and better.

Yaaya:

That’s great.

Toyin O:

Within a short space of time, I have built up lots of experience doing different kinds of writing. And now that I am in the process of starting my own business, I can take with me all the skills I have acquired. I had to do things the hard way, so having to go through all these internships was a blessing in disguise because I got to pick up different skills. So if you wanted me to write a celebrity story, I could that. A hard-core news story, a technology story ... I could do all of that.

Yaaya:

Can you tell us a bit more about this business ... unless if it is confidential?

Toyin O:

Sure, basically I am starting my own online publication. Actually, it's not just an online publication, it's going to be my own brand. It's going to have three branches to it. It's going to be: a YouTube channel, a print magazine, and an online edition. That's my project.

Yaaya:

And you are doing this by yourself?

Toyin O:

Yes ... by myself. I know it sounds really weird, but it's my little baby. Although, I have received advice from family and friends, I have just kept it as my little thing. This is simply because I don't want to feel bad if I don't take their stuff on-board. And if I have a partner, I feel like I will have to make compromises, and for my dream, I don't want to have to make compromises.

If Journalism Is An Art, Who/What is the Journalist’s Muse?

 

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Yaaya:

What keeps you motivated? What inspires you?

Toyin O:

On my website, when we write stories, at the bottom of the page, there is an option to leave feedback for my work e-mail address. I get e-mails from people all round the world … from people blasting me (laughs), to people saying how much I have changed their lives.

Depending on what story I write, I'll have people every other day sending me an e-mail. I remember there was a story I wrote in response to a video I saw online, it was about a video that had gone viral of a Malaysian woman beating her child. When I wrote the story, the website at work was going crazy, and people were writing e-mails about how much I had affected them. For example, one woman wrote "I am crying tears right now, and holding my child so tight. I can't believe someone could do this."

Yaaya:

That’s powerful.

Toyin O:

For me, I am motivated to write things that matter: writing that will inform people, change people's lives, and make people see things in a different light.

To me, it's not just about being a journalist, it's about being the type of journalist that will make people say "yes, I read that and it moved me." That's what keeps me going, it's the fact that my writing it getting out there and is being read because the message matters.

Look out for Part 3 of our five-part post, where Toyin talks to Yaaya about why surrounding yourself with the right people can create a powerful circle of influence.

Like this post? Leave your comments below to continue to support Yaaya’s vision of providing platforms to voice powerful stories of incredible women like Toyin. Invite others to join the conversation by sharing this post!

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Toyin Owoseje, Proving Persistence Is The Key, Wrench and Bulldozer For Unlocking Opportunity’s Door

Meet Toyin Owoseje - a young, strongly-opinionated, ambitious woman blazing her own trail in the world of media as a lifestyle and entertainment journalist. Her persistence and work-ethic has motivated her be open to all opportunities, and dare we say bulldozed opportunity’s door to create her own luck. You don’t believe us? Read for yourself!

In the first part of this five-part post, Toyin talks to us about why platforms like Yaaya are a necessity for today’s young black girls, how she navigated her own path into Journalism, and why sometimes you have to take risks and fake it until you make it.

And so the conversation begins …

Toyin Meet Yaaya. Yaaya Meet Toyin.

 

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Yaaya:

Toyin it is a pleasure to meet you again. Most people won't know this, but we actually went to secondary school together. When you responded to our initial invitation, you spoke high praise for what Yaaya was trying to do. Would you like to share why you feel platforms like Yaaya are much needed?

Toyin O:

I feel like, in this day and age, a lot of black girls are … misguided. It is really hard to find inspiration and motivation, especially in this industry where the media is telling you how to look. Music videos are telling you that if you shake your booty, look good, and are light-skinned, you will get far in life. To be honest, we haven't got enough inspirational women out there that are going to stand up for women of all colours and say “yes, you are beautiful regardless of what you look like.”

Yaaya:

By “enough inspirational women out there”, do you mean celebrities?

Toyin O:

Most of these celebrities that young women are looking up to are contradictory of women themselves. Some are saying that they are not trying to be a role model but are still feeding off the fan-base of people that are trying to be like them and making money off of it. Seriously?!

So it is good to have a platform where it's a positive message and women can actually learn from each other. We need more social initiatives like this because women are getting lost.

Yaaya:

Can you elaborate?

Toyin O:

Young girls are saying basically, “I just want to be kept, I don't need to be successful because if Amber Rose can go from a stripper to a house-wife, so can I.” Girls are not even trying to make their own money now: “I need to find a rich guy, marry, and I am good.” That is what some of these reality shows and celebrities are showing them. So, It's good to have space where like-minded women are visible to remind us that you can be independent, successful, and just keep it classy.

The Journalist In Profile

 

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Yaaya:

You are currently a Lifestyle and Entertainment Journalist at International Business Times UK. Can you tell us more about your role?

Toyin O:

Basically, I am the person in the office that gets to do the … interesting stuff (smiles).

Our publication is business, but like The Financial Times, we also have sections for sport, lifestyle and entertainment. I am the designated lifestyle and entertainment writer in the office, so I get to cover fashion, lifestyle, celebrity news, showbiz, art, music … anything that comes under that umbrella. And I get to just go to really cool events, meet people. Some people will say I get to do the 'soft' journalism - some will say it as a good thing, some will say “it's not really journalism”.

I like to mix it up as well. Because I am lifestyle and entertainment writer and a general writer in the office as well, I get thrown in to do more [hard-hitting news], which I like. A while ago, I did a story about Stella Damasus, I don't even know how to pronounce her name right, sorry. She is a Nollywood actress, and she spoke about …

Yaaya:

“Child Not Bride” …

Toyin O:

Yes – child marriage. And I felt really touched by it. It's not really my area because we have foreign writers in the office but I said to a colleague, “she is a Nigerian celebrity [who has spoken up about child marriage in Africa]”, to which he replied “we don't really know her”. However, I said “well, she is known! And I think it's a big story.” So I wrote that story, even though it's not really under my bracket.

Yaaya:

How long have you been in the role then?

Toyin O:

I have been at the International Business Times since … it's going to be almost three years.

Yaaya:

And what has your journey been like into journalism? How did you get into journalism?

Toyin O:

It has been hard (laughs). Like most graduates, when I was in uni I was very naïve. I sort of thought “okay, if I get a degree then I will come out and get a job”. Nah! So I came out, had my degree, I was just like yeah, started applying for all these journalism roles, writer roles and administrative roles. All sorts of roles ... anything and everything to get me into the door.

I applied over the course of a year and a bit. I was very stubborn, I didn't apply for anything else but journalism related roles. And everyone was like "no, no, no". I think I got about two hundred "nos", and some of them didn't even bother replying. Literally!

Yaaya:

That is tough. Unfortunately, in this job climate, it is a situation that a lot of young people can identify with.

Toyin O:

I had been unemployed during time , so my partner was like "babe, seriously you're not working and you need to sort of look elsewhere for now, and apply for jobs you might not necessarily want but that would build up your experience." Unfortunately when I was in university, I made the mistake of doing only one internship, which was the mandatory one for my course. So when I came out of university, I actually didn't have that much experience. Even though, in theory I did, and I could write. It's just that my CV just looked really plain.

Yaaya:

What was your game plan?

Toyin O:

So after I got my wake up call about a year and half in, I just thought let me take a retail position. It hurt my pride. I took the job just to pay the bills, and while I was there I started applying for internships. I applied for a few, got a few nos.

Then I finally just tired one day so I walked in, this is how unhappy I was, I woke up one day and I said "babe, I'm going to the West End to hand out my CV, I'm going to go to their offices, because whenever I hand out the CV nobody replies or they say ‘no’. So if I meet them face to face, I can blag my way in."

Yaaya:

Wow!

Toyin O:

I left my house around eight o'clock in the morning, and walked the West End up and down looking for all these addresses I had collected. I went into their offices and a lot of them said "no, we can't see you, you have to [apply] online."

Luckily enough, I went to Bauer Media, the Heat offices. Do you know Heat magazine?

Yaaya:

Yes.

Toyin O:

So I walked in, and literally blagged my way in.

Yaaya continues the conversation in Part 2 of our five-part post where Toyin talks to Yaaya about bagging her first internship at Heat magazine and what sustains her love for journalism.

Like this post? Leave your comments below to continue to support Yaaya’s vision of providing platforms to voice powerful stories of incredible women like Toyin. Invite others to join the conversation by sharing this post!

Image Source | These images do not belong to Yaaya. Image courtesy of Toyin Owoseje.

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From Africa To Europe: A Black Woman’s Experience

"When you walk into a room,
the fact that you are different,
should be celebrated."

What do successful women do when they are not working? For Belinda Otas, it can be summed up in one word: Theatre.

In the final part of this four-part post, Yaaya and Belinda discuss her passion for the literary arts, and her plans for the future.

And so the conversation continues …

On Being A Black Woman In Europe

 

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Yaaya:

You have lived in an African country [Nigeria]. And now you live in a European country [UK]. What does it mean to be a black woman in European society?

Belinda O:

First of all, I am not keen on that whole black woman thing, to be honest with you. Until I came to live in London, I didn’t know I was black.

Yaaya:

Yes, understandably. It is a social construct –

Belinda O:

In that regard, I am very against the grain when it comes to that social construct. Even when I’m filling a form, I always cancel out the ‘black’ and put ‘African’. (Pauses) How will I …?

Being an African woman living in Europe, it’s an interesting experience, because all of a sudden, you become aware of these… (Pauses) … these multiple personalities that you have to take on sometimes. What I’m saying is, in Europe there is a culture, there is a way you dress, a way you address people, a way you relate to people. There is a way relationships are formed and shaped.

Yaaya:

Can you shed some more light on that?

Belinda O:

In Nigeria you can dress up and go to your family’s house, and you don’t need to tell them you are coming. In Europe, you cannot just get up and go to your own sister’s house. You have to call first. My dad was recently in London and came to my house, he said he wanted to surprise me…I asked him why he didn’t call first. I shocked myself. Now, when I was in Nigeria that may never happen. It is those little things you pick up without even realising how you change or have changed. You have to learn the culture. And there are some habits that you will have to unlearn. It’s about understanding societal rules.

Yaaya:

Ah, yes. We see what you mean ...

Belinda O:

As an African woman, it was not that I came back from a backward place. Nigeria continues to develop and change. But, coming from a totally different society where the culture is different, here in Europe, you have to relearn how to relate to people in a different environment. To carry yourself with dignity, elegance and position yourself in a way that allows you to hold your head up high without apologising for being in this space, and without allowing anyone to think because they’ve seen a picture of an African country on TV [that] they can put you down.

Yaaya:

From what you have said, it is about learning how to juggle these multiple cultures –

Belinda O:

Exactly!

Yaaya:

Because you come with your own, and you meet an existing culture where you arrive at. Whilst it is important to re-learn this existing culture, to adapt and integrate, you must also raise your head high and not apologise for being different.

Belinda O:

Not at all! At all times be yourself. It is hard trying to be someone else. Phew! Yes, you learn the tricks and the trade, but you shouldn’t have to apologise for where you come from and for who you are. You should never have to. When you walk into a room, the fact that you are the only person who is different, should be celebrated. And if other people cannot celebrate it, tough luck. You celebrate yourself. But it is about being able to adapt. It is about being able to straddle both cultures with balance.

All The World Is A Stage

 

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Yaaya:

On to your other love, ‘theatre’. You call yourself a theatre junkie who would gladly sleep at the theatre every night –

Belinda O:

(Laughs)

Yaaya:

Tell us why you are so passionate about theatre.

Belinda O:

I feel the stage allows you to tell stories with passion, with humour. And you know what? On the stage, you are free to create. And there are no limitations. Of course, finances (Laughs).

But there is something about the stage that allows you to tell a story and put words in the mouths of the characters. Things that perhaps you cannot say in real life, you can say on the stage. The stage gives you room to dig deep emotionally into those things that you’ve encountered but you have never really been able to express it the way you want to. The stage is a volcano of emotions waiting to erupt.

I remember seeing township stories from South Africa at Theatre Royal Stratford and I was blown away. It was so gritty. The gritty realism of living in a township was so in your face, I couldn’t speak when I was done. They went in. They went there.

Yaaya:

(Laughs)

Belinda O:

That is one aspect of theatre I love; when it’s gritty and in your face like that. Then we have theatre masters like Athol Fugard who gave the world ‘Sizwe Banzi is dead’, and gave insight into the heinous and hideous psychological damage that apartheid was doing to black South Africa. And you cannot help but say “this must stop!” when you see it plainly [as in] ‘Sizwe Banzi is dead’. Thank God that apartheid is over, although there is a new form of oppression, which is economic. Theatre allows you to ask questions that ordinarily, if you were to start that conversation, people would want to kill you. You are putting it [the question] out there, and you are saying “discuss”.

Theatre allows you to express yourself, to travel, to dream. And for me, it allows me to be me. It allows me to tell the stories that ordinarily, I couldn’t tell on my own. For example, my first play is a story about a married couple. Because of my personal experience, I intentionally gave the wife a medical condition so I could address the themes of stigma, shame and fear of people knowing you have a medical condition – be it HIV/Aids or have been living with a particular challenge for years and the culture that creates that stigma.

And So The Conversation Ends … For Now :)

 

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Yaaya:

What does the future hold for you? Where is Belinda going?

Belinda O:

Right now, I just want to finish my deadlines. (Laughs) I’ve got a lot to get through for the publications I write for. But I look forward to the future, not with trepidation, but being assured of hope, that every day that comes, I will have enough strength to go through and be myself. I truly believe that.

There are two scripture verses I hold on to, on days when I have no more tears to cry. Deuteronomy 33:25 “… and as thy days, so shall thy strength be.” And Isaiah 30:15 “In quietness and in confidence shall be thy strength.”

I look forward to my journalism and doing greater things with my stories. I would love to start an online publication. My blog and website has been training towards that. I believe in seasons. So I’m waiting for that season to come. For now I’m building myself towards that goal. But for now, to keep writing and doing my journalism, and telling great stories about Africa, African women, African men, and African businesses, among many other things.

Yaaya:

On a lighter note, we have a set of one-liner questions for you. Tell us the first thing that comes to mind.

Yaaya:

If I wasn’t a journalist, I would be ...

Belinda O:

Oh! I would definitely be a businesswoman.

Yaaya:

We can harness the power of the media to ...

Belinda O:

Tell stories that are worthy of our time.

Yaaya:

My dream for black women is ... Belinda O: To just be themselves. Be your best you. And don’t ever apologise for it.

Yaaya:

The one principle that I live by is ...

Belinda O:

Phew! (Pauses) Do unto others as you wish others to do unto you.

Yaaya:

Success for me is ...

Belinda O:

Oh, that’s a big question. (Laughs) OK, success for me is not all about money. (Pauses) Now don’t get me wrong, you need money to do the things you want to do in life. So I am not against people having money. Goodness, I want some, but money is currency, it flows in and out of our lives. But those things that remain and are steadfast and unmoveable, that is what matters. So Success for me is being relationally healthy and wealthy. Success for me is love, and having people to share it with. Success is about being a blessing to others. Not just me, myself, and I. I could go on and on about this, you know. So let’s stop (Laughs).

Yaaya:

Yaaya, to me, represents ...

Belinda O:

Sisterhood. Building the narrative of a strong sisterhood that supports women.

Yaaya:

Alright! Thank you! Thank you very much for taking the time to speak with us.

This concludes our interview with Belinda Otas. Share with us your thoughts on Belinda’s inspirational journey and future ambitions! Catch-up on the earlier parts of our conversation:

Part 1: Belinda Otas, Bravery Redefined
Part 2: The Rise and Rise of the Accidental Journalist
Part 2: The New African Woman: Sincerely Unapologetic (For Being Different)

Like this article? Leave your comments below to continue to support Yaaya’s vision of providing platforms to voice powerful stories of incredible women like Belinda. Invite others to join the conversation by sharing this post!

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The New African Woman: Sincerely Unapologetic (For Being Different)

"There are badass African women out there. They have ideas; a voice. They are creating platforms.
You cannot box up today’s African woman.
You just can’t."

We told you she was bold, outspoken, and controversial. In many ways, Belinda’s choice of journalism topics comes as no surprise, given her personal history and passion for Africa. Indeed, her own life is evidence of the multi-layered narrative of the black woman.

In Part 3 of this four-part post, Belinda defines the ‘New African Woman’, and shares with Yaaya the importance of using storytelling to counter social invisibility.

And so the conversation continues …

The New African Woman

 

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Yaaya:

What is the significance of publications like the ‘New African Woman’?

Belinda O:

The New African Woman serves a great purpose. Before it came about, with the exception of Ebony and Essence magazines, for me, there was nothing that spoke to the African woman in the motherland and in the diaspora. There was nothing on the international scene that was telling that story. This is the space that the New African Woman occupies. For us, it is about inspiring rather than imposing.

We are here to advise rather than dictate. We are here to tastefully portray a diverse beauty rather than cheapen it. It’s about being able to tell the multi-layered story of the African woman. We want to show that there are badass African women out there. They are business women, entrepreneurs, politicians, fashion designers, mothers, activists and feminists. They have children. They are single. They have ideas; a voice. They are creating platforms. You cannot box up today’s African woman. You just can’t. So, I think this is the space that the New African Woman occupies. We’ve gradually been building up. We have not reached the pinnacle yet. The best is yet to come.

Yaaya:

In your words, define a ‘new African woman’.

Belinda O:

That’s hard. You know why?

Yaaya:

Why?

Belinda O:

You cannot box the African woman up. There is no one definition to the African woman. We are women from different walks of life. You could say that the new African woman is the African woman who refuses to stay down; who is finally saying “enough, I’m here and I’m going to tell my story, on my own terms. I have my own voice.”

The new African woman has decided “enough of me being a second class citizen. I’m going to get an education, and work towards my goals and dreams. I’m going to build a legacy. I’m going to co-exist with men in a patriarchal society, and I’m going to succeed.”

The new African woman says “enough of the continuous oppression, suppression, and repression of women in society” and decides to become an activist. The new African woman is a change agent. The new African woman knows herself and does not feel the need to define herself through the eyes of others. And ‘others’ can include other women.

Yaaya:

(Smiles) Based on everything you have described, the three founders of Yaaya are definitely new African women –

Belinda O:

(Laughs) Exactly!

Yaaya:

We like this title!

Belinda O:

Women are different to each other. We have different personalities, nuances, and proclivities. There is no one definition of the new African woman. She is as diverse as you can find her. She could be my maternal grand-aunt who is the ‘mother’ of the village. She could be Folorunsho Alakija, who runs an oil company on the world stage and is impacting the lives of women and children. She could be [anyone] from one end of the spectrum to another. We are all new African women, navigating our journeys and learning as we go along. Now this does not negate the challenges faced by African women. There are still issues with education and equal pay, among other things, that we need to address through the stories we tell.

Celebrating Achievement. Inspiring Ambition.

 

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Yaaya:

You have interviewed some of the world’s most iconic, high-profile black women [Chimamanda Adichie, Folorunsho Alakija]. How important is it to share the stories of these women?

Belinda O:

(Pauses) Imagine you come from a background where you are not allowed to have a voice. Then you read the story of Folorunsho Alakija, who is a businesswoman, but is also empowering widows and children. You think to yourself “if this woman has worked hard and found an opportunity to do what she is doing, there is something I can do with myself.”

Yaaya:

There is a strong element of using these stories as a tool to inspire ambition in young women ...

Belinda O:

It is first of all to acknowledge the existence of these women. But above all, it is to inspire the next generation of black women. We are inspired to go after our dreams, because these women, in spite of the old boys’ network, have broken the glass ceiling. We need to tell the stories of such women. It’s about creating that aspirational narrative that is realistic. If she [iconic woman] wasn’t doing it, you could say it is not possible. But she is doing it. She is living it.

It’s about asking her what challenges she encountered, who her mentors are, who has shaped her, what inspires her. It’s about asking these questions, and hoping that the answers will hit a nerve with somebody who reads it. It’s not just about the fashion and lipstick. No. It’s about substance. That is why we need to share these stories.

Share Your Story: Become Visible.

 

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Yaaya:

Social Invisibility is at the core of Yaaya’s existence. We believe this is an issue for black women in Europe especially, and for black women globally, to varying degrees. Have you heard of the term ‘social invisibility’?

Belinda O:

Well, yes. And I have to be honest, when people say ‘social invisibility’, the first thing I’m thinking is “it is 2013, and I don’t deny [that] as a black woman, there are challenges with being visible on the social platform and stage today.” But I cannot help but ask “why not create your own visibility?”

Yaaya:

You’ve shared your perspective on it. But what does it [Social Invisibility] mean to you? Belinda O: It means one thing: your presence is not known. That is the way I interpret social invisibility.

Yaaya:

Have you ever felt that you were socially invisible?

Belinda O:

No. Like I said earlier, I have my moments. I can be loud. (Laughs) So if you don’t give me a platform, I will create it. And that was one of the foremost reasons why I started my blog. To give myself a presence on social media and be socially visible. For so long, the stories of black women were not told in the UK. When social media came along, I thought to myself “if nobody will tell the stories I like to read, I’ll start a blog and tell it”.

Yaaya:

Are we right to summarise your view on social invisibility as “do something about it. If no one will tell your story, you go right ahead and tell it”?

Belinda O:

Exactly! I believe it was Chinua Achebe that said “if you don’t like a story that someone has told, tell your own story.” So for me, I am not denying that there is no such thing as social invisibility. If I say that, it would be wrong, and would be perpetuating a negative narrative. But I think there is something we can do about that now, like never before.

You are only a click away. Start something. Like the three of you have done. You (Yaaya) are a collective, telling stories of other women. You are trying to correct the social invisibility of black women in the UK and the diaspora. If your story is not being told, find a way to tell your story.

Yaaya:

We strongly agree with you on this perspective of owning one’s narrative ...

Belinda O:

Stop waiting for someone else to come and tell your story for you. If someone else tells your story, they might tell it in a way that you do not like. Tell it on your own terms. I think that is one way around the issue of social invisibility. The internet is now at your fingertips. There is nothing you cannot do. Start a blog. Start telling your story. Post it on twitter and on Facebook. Write what you want to read.

Yaaya:

Is that what motivated you to create your own blog? To share your own story, make yourself visible, and talk about the things that matter to you?

Belinda O:

Exactly. You can do that by yourself. And if other people’s stories are worth telling, then tell their story as well. Give them a platform, like you (Yaaya) are doing. And that is what journalism is about for me. It is about telling the story of other people, whom otherwise would not have their stories told.

Join us in the final part of our four-part feature on Belinda Otas, where Yaaya finds out Belinda’s plans for the future, and what it means to be a theatre junkie!

Like this post? Leave your comments below to continue to support Yaaya’s vision of providing platforms to voice powerful stories of incredible women like Belinda. Invite others to join the conversation by sharing this post!

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The Rise And Rise Of The Accidental Journalist

"I want to change the narrative of the African woman … on the global stage. I am
tired of seeing sagging breasts
and flies around babies’ necks."

‘Belinda Otas’ is what happens when ambition meets assiduousness. Her resume is an enviable list of media powerhouses and renowned global personalities. Belinda is journalism, and journalism is Belinda. Full stop.

In the second part of this four-part post, we discover what drives this passionate and prolific journalist to success, and her advice for aspiring journalists to “find and define [their] voice.”

And so the conversation continues …

Stumbling In Love With Journalism

 

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Yaaya:

You’ve had an interesting career. You almost became a lawyer …

Belinda O:

(Laughs)

Yaaya:

Yet here you are, an award-winning journalist. Here at Yaaya, we hope to use success stories to inspire ambition in young black women. How did you get to where you are today?

Belinda O:

That’s an interesting story. Again, this goes back to getting sick. I’m the first of 8 children. My father wanted a doctor, but I turned out to be a disappointment because I hated Physics and Chemistry, and I was terrible at Maths. I don’t remember ever getting a C in Maths. It was always ‘F’ or ’D’ (laughs). However, I excelled in Humanities and the Arts (History, Politics, Literature). I liked the whole idea of being a lawyer; the idea of being in a black robe and a wig was the symbol of power. But getting sick meant I could no longer continue studying in Nigeria because I was flown out to the UK for medical treatment.

I wanted to study Law or Criminology. I liked the idea of catching the bad guy. But when I got to the UK, and would watch the news, and [see] people ‘get off’ on a technicality, after committing a heinous crime, I thought “that’s not right”. I became disillusioned. I really don’t like to see people (good people) suffer.

Because I was ill and at home, there was no one to talk to. I had been plucked away from all my siblings. It was just my Mom and I. Mom was dealing with the fact that her first child was at death’s door. That was when I started writing. In getting sick, I discovered writing. About 2-3 years after I had a transplant, I went back to university and got a degree in Creative Writing and Journalism, and during my degree I did a work placement. That’s how my journalism journey started. I fell into it, and fell in love with it.

Pearls For Success

 

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Yaaya:

What advice would you give to young women who are considering a career in journalism?

Belinda O:

Oh my word… You have to be tenacious! You have to be resilient…and read. You can never stop reading. When you stop reading and learning, I think the jig is up at that point. Read everything you can find. Find and define your voice. Ask yourself the kind of journalism you want to do. The kind of stories you want to tell, and why. For example, I write about gender, because I understand the challenges that come with being a woman. They say every story has been told. So how are you going to tell an old story in a new way?

Whose story do you want to tell? Whose silent voice do you want to represent? Who needs to hear it? On whose platform do you want to tell it? What are you passionate about? What would you like to change? What legacy do you want to leave behind? Those are the kind of questions you ask yourself before you embark on a journalism career.

I truly believe that the key thing is knowing what you want to do, why you want to do it, and then finding out how to do it.

Yaaya:

Some invaluable pieces of advice there … Any more pearls?

Belinda O:

I think it is very crucial to have a mentor. Your mentor should be someone who challenges you. Pick someone whom you respect and is more knowledgeable than you [are] to mentor you. Listen to them, and ask questions. They can advise you, but they probably will not have all the answers. But because they have been on that journey longer than you have, they have an idea of how you can navigate your way through it. You have to be dogged. You have to be determined. Journalism is not the kind of job that makes you rich. It is not a 24 hour party.

Yaaya:

It most certainly is not ...

Belinda O:

As an African woman, I understand the challenges that come with being considered a second class citizen. Your position is number 2, and that of the male child is number one. I want to change the narrative of the African woman that has been defined on the global stage. I am tired of seeing sagging breasts and flies around babies’ necks. I want to show the other side of the African woman. The African woman who is leading a multinational agency or company. I interviewed Folorunsho Alakija, who according to reports is the richest black woman in the world. For me, that is a milestone. It is not every day you get to sit in the presence of greatness. She humbled me with her humility. That was the biggest take-away when I interviewed her. I will never forget that.

Yaaya:

What is the one highlight of your career to date?

Belinda O:

(Pauses)

Yaaya:

Belinda is silent. This must be a big question…

Belinda O:

(Laughs) Last year, when my body rejected my only kidney, it was a very trying time. When that happened, I became so hungry. I made a list of people I wanted to interview. Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie has been on my list since I became a journalist. I finally got to interview her in December [2012]. Writing that article was a beautiful experience! I respect her as a writer. I appreciate the fact that she has found her own voice on the world stage, and is not afraid to say the things she says, without apologising for it. Interviewing Adichie was a highlight. Interviewing men and women like Folorunsho Alakija and Tony Elumelu, one of Africa’s leading business men and philanthropists have been great highlights this past year.

Yaaya:

That is quite something. How do you balance such a high impact career with your personal circumstances?

Belinda O:

Being able to finish an article is a highlight because I really do struggle due to the amount of medication I take [and] their side-effects, which boy oh boy, I do not like. Imagine taking your early morning dose and knowing full well that you are going to sleep for at least another 3 –to-4 hours and cannot type a word. Then wake up, quickly do some research, try and write but [then] it’s time to take another set… and this is in addition to days when I have relapses in terms of living with chronic unexplainable pain.
Fit hospital appointments into that, physiotherapy sessions and other things…it can be a lot for me. If you ever meet me, you will also see I am rather tiny in size…so physically, it can be challenging and exhausting. The magazines I write for, I appreciate and being made Assistant Editor of New African woman was pretty cool.
That said, every day is a highlight, each day I don’t get [called] from the hospital that I must now go back on dialysis is a highlight in my life, career or no career. Being alive is key to having a career.

In the forthcoming posts, Yaaya and Belinda explore the importance of celebrating achievement and storytelling. Belinda shares her views on social invisibility, and on the importance of platforms like the New African Woman and Yaaya.

Like this post? Leave your comments below to continue to support Yaaya’s vision of providing platforms to voice powerful stories of incredible women like Belinda. Invite others to join the conversation by sharing this post!

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Belinda Otas, Bravery Redefined

Belinda Otas is many things: bold, outspoken, controversial, complicated. But for us, her singular defining attribute is her bravery. She possesses the kind of courage immortalised in stories of superheroines. Especially because of this, Yaaya is glad to share Belinda’s story with our readers and the world. We believe her story should be celebrated and upheld as a constant reminder of the force for life that lies within us all.

In the first part of this four-part post, Belinda talks to Yaaya about why she decided to become a part of our conversation, and bravely opens up about her medical condition, and how this has shaped her belief system.

And so the conversation begins …

When Yaaya Met Belinda Otas

 

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Yaaya:

It’s great to meet with you, thanks a lot for honouring our invitation. Can you tell us why you think it is important to share your story through Yaaya?

Belinda O:

Your story is yours to tell, and if you don’t tell it, someone else might end up telling it in a way that you don’t like or appreciate. So when a platform comes up that allows you to tell your story, be that a blog, magazine or website, as long as it’s a platform that you are happy with, in that their ethos corresponds or correlates with yours, and you have no problem sharing your story, then by all means, share your story. It is yours to tell. And there is no better way to have a sense and ownership of self than to tell your story. If you don’t tell it, how will people get to know you?

Yaaya:

We completely agree. Here at Yaaya we are big on sharing stories, and we understand the importance of that.

Discovering Belinda Otas

 

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Yaaya:

Your online presence focuses very heavily on your journalism and your passion for theatre. But we know very little about Belinda Otas. Who is she?

Belinda O:

(Laughs) That is a million dollar question. It’s hard to define Belinda Otas in one word, but if I wanted to use one word, I would say complicated. (Laughs) At the end of the day, I think you need some element of complication to keep you on your toes. You have to be as versatile as possible. I consider myself to be a loving person. If you get to know me, you probably will see that side.

If you look at me from afar, I can come across as aloof. But once you get to know Belinda, [you will find I’m] actually playful. I remember one lady at church who just used to smile at me in a cordial way and then one day we had a conversation and she said to me “I never knew you were like this. I never even thought you would ever speak to me.” And that’s because I tend to keep quiet. I have my moments. I can be crazy and as loud as I want to be. But there is also that introvert part of me, which if you don’t understand, you can interpret is as me being a snob, which is far from the case. Sometimes it’s good for people to get to know me on Twitter before they see me in real life and get to know those other aspects of me. I have my moments e.g. I recently tweeted:

most successful men have an incredible sex drive … Michael Flatley - Sweet Lawd Jesus, I ain't even gon' lie. Send me 1. Lawd, send me 1 :)

That is one of my moments when even I say, “girl, you crazy!”

I can be outgoing, but at the same time I really appreciate my space. I absolutely love solitude. Solitude and I are best of friends. And you (Yaaya) have noticed my passion for theatre, it is one of the places where I feel at home the most.

But I would say one thing I absolutely love is someone who lives on purpose. My respect for [such a person] jumps through the roof.

Yaaya:

Tell us a bit more about that. What do you mean by “someone who lives on purpose”?

Belinda O:

You know when you meet someone, and they know where they are going … They’ve defined their goals, have a vision [for life], and live for something, and not just for themselves. They live to enhance other people’s lives. I truly believe that what you make happen for others, God will make happen for you. Even if you are not a person of faith, the universe will make it happen for you one way or another.

I believe in seed time and harvest time. So when I meet someone or a group of people who live on purpose, who are or want to be changemakers or entrepreneurs, people who challenge you mentally and you can learn from them – people like that really excite me. When I meet [such] people, I honour them, respect them, and keep quiet and learn from them. I am encouraged and challenged by that.

Yaaya:

What gets you out of bed in the morning?

Belinda O:

My life experience to date has played a big role in my life. If I had not been through what I’d been through, maybe I would see life differently. When I was 15, I got sick. For a whole year, nobody knew what was wrong. I was misdiagnosed, and ended up losing both of my kidneys. From 16 to 22, I lived on dialysis. Now those are your teenage years, the valuable years when you come into a sense of self and who you are; when you get to define yourself and find out about boys, make decisions about career, family ...

Yaaya:

Your formative years …

Belinda O:

Exactly! Your formative years! I did not have that. My life was pretty structured ... I started working a dialysis machine at 17. I could needle myself and put myself on a machine. People my age group were discovering life, but I was pretty much: hospital, dialysis, home, church. I couldn’t tell my story because I became very timid and shy, and ashamed, to some level of what was happening to me, because one I didn’t understand it, and two, it was a lot to deal with, for someone at that age, especially when nobody recognises that ‘actually, this child needs counselling. It is a little too much for her young mind to be dealing with so when you don’t get the kind of psychological help that comes with having your whole world turned upside down, you can lose your sense of self.

Yaaya:

Tell us more about that …

Belinda O:

Between 16-19 years, I didn’t have a sense of self. I kept to myself, I was very shy, very timid, and very angry about what was happening to me. But there was a turning point and that turning point was my faith. My faith has always played a big role in my life. For the first 3 years of dealing with that, I wouldn’t say my parents were not equipped, but they were just so focused on trying to ensure I survived, that nobody thought about the mental impact my situation had had on me. Imagine me trying to navigate my way out of that, and my faith was what gave me that. I started talking to God, saying "help me understand this. This doesn’t make sense".

I had my whole life ahead of me. I was about to sit my final exams in Nigeria so I could go to university when it all happened. So to have all of that taken away from me was very painful because I couldn’t go to school. I was at home or going through dialysis 3 times a week. It took over my life. To not have control (pauses) … and to not have a voice to say "this is what I’m feeling" and just having to deal with that.

(Pauses) It can kill you mentally. But like I said, I rediscovered myself through my faith, and in going to church, I found like-minded people, a community that I could trust. And I think my faith was what gave me myself back.

Yaaya:

So, your faith got you out of bed in the morning?

Belinda O:

Yes.

Yaaya:

And is it still what gets you out of bed in the morning?

Belinda O:

Oh yes! My faith still plays a big role in my life. I haven’t dropped it, and I don’t intend to drop it. If I ever do, I’ll probably end up dead (Pauses) (laughs) But now, I live on purpose as well. I have a lot of things I want to do with my life. I’ve had a kidney transplant (Pauses) It’s a daily walk. A daily journey. I have good days, and bad days. I take a lot of medication with numerous side effects. Some days I won’t be able to speak because I’m so drugged up. I suffer from unexplainable pain. There are days when I have no control over that pain. I depend on painkillers to survive from hour to hour. But inasmuch as I would to think this is a special problem, I refuse to specialise the problem. Instead I allow my circumstance make me want to live an exceptional life on purpose.

And that is one of the things that fuelled my journalism and my dreams as a writer. For me, living on purpose gets me out of bed. I dream big. Even as I’m talking now, I’ve been dealing with a medical challenge since last year. This past year has been a tough year, because last year, I experienced a rejection, where your body rejects an organ that has been given to you. The prospect of going back on dialysis…was not something I had given thought to. But it happened to me. And I’ve become so hungry to do better with my life, because I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow. The doctors have given me a timeframe …

Yaaya:

There’s a sense of urgency now, because you feel that perhaps you are running out of time…?

Belinda O:

Exactly. And that pushes me. Sometimes it gets me down, when I’m tired. But I push against the tide and say “come hell or high-water, I’m not giving up without a fight”. I’ve had to fight since I was 16 years old. It’s part and parcel of me. I think giving up will kill me faster than not fighting. Fighting is what keeps me alive.

Yaaya:

Just so we have it on record, this happened as a result of a misdiagnosis, is that correct?

Belinda O:

Yes, that’s correct.

Yaaya continues the conversation in Part 2 of our four-part post where Belinda walks us through her career to date, and shares her principles for success in the competitive world of journalism.

Like this post? Leave your comments below to continue to support Yaaya’s vision of providing platforms to voice powerful stories of incredible women like Belinda. Invite others to join the conversation by sharing this post!

Image Source | These images do not belong to Yaaya. Image courtesy of Ayo Odesanya.

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