Who Have You Chosen To Be In Your Circle Of Influence?

"I always say that you don't need lots of friends. You just need people in your life that will encourage you and motivate you ..."

One way to build personal resilience when it comes to life challenges, is to develop a good support network - your circle of influence. A strong support network will prep you at the start line, cheer you on during the toughest laps of your sprints and marathons, celebrate your efforts at the finish line, and do it all again for your next race.

In part three of our five-part post, Toyin speaks to Yaaya about why support networks are both powerful and important, who sits within her circle of influence, and how we can rise by lifting others.

And so the conversation continues …

Because Life Is Not A Solo Act

 

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Yaaya:

How important are networks of support?

Toyin O:

I think it is extremely important. For me personally, I always say that you don't need lots of friends. You just need people in your life that will encourage you and motivate you, even if it is just three people. If you don't have that, it's good that you can find that in different places, as long as they are like-minded people and they have a positive influence on you. It's amazing how much that can push you. Friends will call me to ask for advice on their situation, and by the end of the conversation, they haven't only just learnt from me, I have also learned from them.

Yaaya:

Can you comment on the importance specifically for black girls and women?

Toyin O:

It is important especially for black girls and women. We go through a lot of stuff - it's almost like we have this stigma that we are born with. I mean not only are you a woman, but you are also black. I know times are changing, but it's not changing as fast as they should be. So sometimes it's good to have a woman that has been through those social challenges of being a black woman.

In this day and age, these young girls are growing up and seeing things that are misguiding them, and they need positive people around them to support and help put them back on the right track. Like little girls saying they want to be porn stars, it breaks my heart. And sometimes I feel it's hard when you have older parents, because sometimes you don't want to listen to them. So it's good to just be able to have someone you can just click with.

Yaaya:

How can role models or those that have gone before us be support networks?

Toyin O:

When you know somebody or somebody from somebody that you can say that you know has done this, or worked there, or started her own business, it gives support and motivation for your own dreams.

Some girl that I know, that I knew while growing up, opened up her own salon. And it's like "woah, she's giving me motivation!" I wanted to start my business years ago, but I was sort of slacking. So now I am seeing loads of black women my age doing well and succeeding. That is encouraging me to work hard and strive. My sister started her own business too.

Yaaya:

How do you network to create a great support network?

Toyin O:

There are all these mentoring schemes going on. For example, Sotonye Duri, organises lots of these motivational speaking events, which are great if you are woman that wants to succeed, be empowered, and inspire because you can be mentored by a woman there already doing the same. So that is one of many good ways to gather people around you that have achieved so that they can work alongside you as you work at your own achievements.

Yaaya:

In a previous Question of the Month, Yaaya asked “who/what are your most valuable support networks?” We'd be interested to hear your response.

Toyin O:

My support network is my family. I always tell people, I don't need lots of friends. I have four sisters that love me regardless, so if you don't want to be my friend, I am not bothered.

I am so close to my family, and my partner has a big family as well. So we're both really family-oriented, and that's where we get our support from. I know regardless of what happens to me, or what happens in my life, my family will always be there. They are not going to judge me, so whatever I am going through, I know I can always go to them. So they are my greatest support. Whether I am starting a new job, or a starting my own business, they are the ones that will be cheering "go Toyin, go Toyin!" (Laughs).

I want to say, that even you don't have a close family, you can have friends that are like family. You just need a close circle of friends that will support you.

Lift As We Rise

 

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Yaaya:

How important do you think it is to mentor others, especially black girls and women?

Toyin O:

I think it is very important. If you are in a position to help people, you should always do it. I feel like if you are reaching goals, you should always help other people come up as well. You shouldn't just want to only succeed by yourself. If you have learned something, impart your knowledge onto other people. That's why I always use my life as an example when I talk to people. If I am doing something well, why should I be keeping it a secret, because I would want others to do well too.

When I see my younger sisters' friends, I give them advice as well. If I see them slacking, I feel it is important to encourage them. Without you realising, these kids are looking up to you, and they've allowed you to have a platform in their lives where you can teach them how to do things better, how to be better, and to believe they can be successful.

The world shows them they can't, that they have to fit a certain criteria to be successful. So you have to constantly remind them that regardless of what the world or media says to them, they can be anything. You can be a dark-skinned woman and be the CEO of a company, and if you don't want to be the CEO of somebody else's company, create your own!

Woman In The Mirror

 

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Yaaya:

Looking at a younger version of yourself, what do you want to say to her?

Toyin O:

Be happy because everything is going to work out the way it is supposed to be. I feel like I can have no regrets because they girl that I was at say, ten years old, has helped shape the woman that I today.

The only thing I would have told my younger self is "just relax", because I stressed out a lot, especially when I was looking for a job. Whether it was the positive or negative things, everything worked out for this moment. So I am just grateful, so I just feel it is important to savour every moment.

I guess I feel like I should have told myself to stop stressing and enjoy life more because everything has worked out fine.

Yaaya:

Imagine being an older version of yourself, what would say to present day self?

Toyin O:

I told you you were going to be successful! (Laughs). I told you, I told you!

Yaaya:

Preach!

Stay connected for the penultimate part of our conversation with Toyin, where we discuss her social and cultural identity as a woman raised in Britain by traditional Nigerian parents. In this part of the interview, we also dispute the notion that ‘black is a behaviour’ and discuss why being the token black person might not be such a bad thing.

Like this post? Leave your comments below to continue to support Yaaya’s vision of providing platforms to voice powerful stories of incredible women like Toyin. Invite others to join the conversation by sharing this post!

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Role Models: Choice Or Chosen?

"If I have seen further
it is by standing
on the shoulders of
giants."

~ Isaac Newton

Isaac Newton could not have better emphasised the importance of role models with this sentence. It unpacks the idea that we can see further on our journey when we can be lifted on the wisdom and experiences of those that have gone before us - ‘those’ referring to people that inspire us to believe our aspirations can be realised. The interesting question is whether one consciously chooses to be a role model, or whether one is (unbeknown to them) chosen.

As far back as history records, people have needed role models, as much as they have needed a sense of identity, a sense of belonging. Role models can inspire us to great heights and encourage us to chase dreams. They give us that “I too can do that!” feeling. When faced with new challenges, unfamiliar situations, they provide the foundational blueprint, a living and/or familiar compass, as it were, to enable us navigate our way forward.

How then are role models created? Do people make a conscious choice to become role models, or are they chosen by the person seeking said compass? If becoming a role model is a conscious choice, does this bring an associated social, moral, and cultural responsibility that the self-elected exemplar must then observe? A responsibility to demonstrate and embody ideals to be emulated by those the role model seeks to inspire or influence?

Or is it in fact, the other way around? Do we as human beings, choose our role models? Do we seek out those whom we identify with, on a socio-cultural level, and adorn them with our expectations? This is particularly true for public figures, from athletes to musicians, politicians to corporate leaders. However, imposing such responsibility on said individual does not always meet with warm acceptance. Cue Rihanna, who has stopped short of signing her utter disinterest in being a role model in blood and ink.

If role models are chosen or self-elected, what are the parameters (if any) of selection or acceptance by us (society)? Whose responsibility is it to educate us into making the right choices? More importantly, who should our role models be?

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Disarming Ignorance And Empowering The Human Condition One Article At A Time

"To me, it's about being the type of journalist that makes people say ‘yes, I read that and it moved me.’"

Sitting in a busy sandwich shop in Westfield Stratford City, Yaaya welcomed the chance to capture the beginnings of Toyin’s journey of self-discovery as a journalist.

In the second post of our five-part interview, Toyin resolves the cliffhanger of the previous conversation. She candidly shares with us how she got her first internship with Heat magazine using a special formula: mix a little bit of luck with a whole lot of undeniable determination.

And so the conversation continues …

There's No Passenger Seat On A Journey Into Journalism

 

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Yaaya:

To quote what you previously said, how did you “blag your way in” to get a job at Heat magazine?

Toyin O:

So I walked in, and I pretended that I knew where I was going (laughs). I got to the reception, and I was like "oh, I've just been here, I am bit lost. I am trying to find Heat". The receptionist directed me to the location, and then I asked to speak to the editorial assistant. I introduced myself and said I was looking for an internship. She was looking at me as if to say, "you are not really supposed to be here," but I asked hopefully "is it possible to get anything [here]?"

Yaaya:

That takes guts.

Toyin O:

I think she sort of liked me, because I was like "anything, I don't mind". I was fortunate because a prospective intern had cancelled the week before. I was like "God is so good!" She took my CV and said she would call in the next half-hour. I walked out, and literally about ten minutes later, she asked "oh, can you come on Monday?" And I said "yes, I'm coming in!" (Laughs).

So I went in on Monday, literally it was so boring I did barely any writing.

Yaaya:

That is unfortunate. But what did you learn from the situation?

Toyin O:

It was a big wake up call, because I sort of realised that this is what journalism is about, it's not always about the glamour. So I stuck it through for the week. Luckily, I was smart because at Bauer Media, the offices have a lot of different publications. So I made a point of making friends.

Yaaya:

Kudos to you for recognising the importance of networking.

Toyin O:

So when my week was coming up, I was referred to an editorial assistant for More magazine who needed somebody for the following week. So I went to More magazine for a week. They realised I was capable, so they started giving me little bit more responsibility. For example, I wrote the captions.

Then after that, I worked at Closer magazine to help out on their web desk. I was asked if I had any web experience, and I have to confess that I blagged it a bit really: "Yeah, I've got it". The work was unpaid. Meanwhile, I was supposed to do something at my retail job, so I sort of called in sick, because for me, I'd rather do this [journalism] for no money than get paid to do something I wasn’t passionate about.

Yaaya:

True.

Toyin O:

So I went in for two weeks, I got to do some much writing for the website. They really liked me so they extended my internship. The web editor went on maternity leave, the assistant editor was away, and the lead writer took the position of the editor, so I was second-in-charge. They got me to do loads of things, and I got to go to all these events. I ended up staying at More for three months. It wasn't paid, but I got so much experience.

Yaaya:

But you left?

Toyin O:

The only reason I left was because I kept trying to get a permanent position there but there were issues with budget. And so it got to a point where my partner was like "babe, if you stay there, they are going to know you are just working for free and let you keep working for free. So you basically just have to step out, have a leap of faith, and hope that the experience you've got [with Heat and More] will get you another job closer to your goal.”

So I left More magazine and continued my work experience at the retail job. Then I applied for another internship, which was paid. I did a lot of internships, I even worked at a construction magazine for a bit. So I got the internship and I went in three days a week. I was supposed to be there for three months, and ended up staying there for six months. However, they couldn't employ me was because they were having to make cuts at the magazine. So I was like "drats ... again! No money!" (Laughs).

Yaaya:

Which magazine was this?

Toyin O:

Mobile magazine, it was a technology magazine. The thing is when I initially applied for it, it was just because it was paid and I would get to write. But I actually loved it! It was a technology magazine, and seemed like it was going to be so dull, but it wasn't. Anything that had to do with mobiles, sim cards, handsets, I would do it.

Yaaya:

Where there any career defining lessons or exciting opportunities in this role?

Toyin O:

Because I was the junior writer, they would send me out onto the streets to get stories. I got to see what kind of journalist I would like to be. While I was there, I got to go to Nice and Monaco for all these mobile technology events. I remember I went to Monaco because Orange were launching a new NFC device. but all the senior writers weren't able to go, so they were like "Toyin, do you want to go? Free holiday, first class ..." Of course I didn’t hesitate to accept. I stayed in a five-star hotel. From my balcony you could see all these beautiful yachts. I was there for a couple of days, I travelled first class. I'd never travelled first class in my entire life! It was amazing.

Yaaya:

Good on you for just putting your hand up for that opportunity. Sometimes an opportunity is just about taking a chance.

Toyin O:

IB Times had hired me because they had seen my writing at Mobile magazine. The job specification was actually for a general news writer, but they really needed a lifestyle writer. I accepted the role, and since then it has just got better and better.

Yaaya:

That’s great.

Toyin O:

Within a short space of time, I have built up lots of experience doing different kinds of writing. And now that I am in the process of starting my own business, I can take with me all the skills I have acquired. I had to do things the hard way, so having to go through all these internships was a blessing in disguise because I got to pick up different skills. So if you wanted me to write a celebrity story, I could that. A hard-core news story, a technology story ... I could do all of that.

Yaaya:

Can you tell us a bit more about this business ... unless if it is confidential?

Toyin O:

Sure, basically I am starting my own online publication. Actually, it's not just an online publication, it's going to be my own brand. It's going to have three branches to it. It's going to be: a YouTube channel, a print magazine, and an online edition. That's my project.

Yaaya:

And you are doing this by yourself?

Toyin O:

Yes ... by myself. I know it sounds really weird, but it's my little baby. Although, I have received advice from family and friends, I have just kept it as my little thing. This is simply because I don't want to feel bad if I don't take their stuff on-board. And if I have a partner, I feel like I will have to make compromises, and for my dream, I don't want to have to make compromises.

If Journalism Is An Art, Who/What is the Journalist’s Muse?

 

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Yaaya:

What keeps you motivated? What inspires you?

Toyin O:

On my website, when we write stories, at the bottom of the page, there is an option to leave feedback for my work e-mail address. I get e-mails from people all round the world … from people blasting me (laughs), to people saying how much I have changed their lives.

Depending on what story I write, I'll have people every other day sending me an e-mail. I remember there was a story I wrote in response to a video I saw online, it was about a video that had gone viral of a Malaysian woman beating her child. When I wrote the story, the website at work was going crazy, and people were writing e-mails about how much I had affected them. For example, one woman wrote "I am crying tears right now, and holding my child so tight. I can't believe someone could do this."

Yaaya:

That’s powerful.

Toyin O:

For me, I am motivated to write things that matter: writing that will inform people, change people's lives, and make people see things in a different light.

To me, it's not just about being a journalist, it's about being the type of journalist that will make people say "yes, I read that and it moved me." That's what keeps me going, it's the fact that my writing it getting out there and is being read because the message matters.

Look out for Part 3 of our five-part post, where Toyin talks to Yaaya about why surrounding yourself with the right people can create a powerful circle of influence.

Like this post? Leave your comments below to continue to support Yaaya’s vision of providing platforms to voice powerful stories of incredible women like Toyin. Invite others to join the conversation by sharing this post!

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Toyin Owoseje, Proving Persistence Is The Key, Wrench and Bulldozer For Unlocking Opportunity’s Door

Meet Toyin Owoseje - a young, strongly-opinionated, ambitious woman blazing her own trail in the world of media as a lifestyle and entertainment journalist. Her persistence and work-ethic has motivated her be open to all opportunities, and dare we say bulldozed opportunity’s door to create her own luck. You don’t believe us? Read for yourself!

In the first part of this five-part post, Toyin talks to us about why platforms like Yaaya are a necessity for today’s young black girls, how she navigated her own path into Journalism, and why sometimes you have to take risks and fake it until you make it.

And so the conversation begins …

Toyin Meet Yaaya. Yaaya Meet Toyin.

 

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Yaaya:

Toyin it is a pleasure to meet you again. Most people won't know this, but we actually went to secondary school together. When you responded to our initial invitation, you spoke high praise for what Yaaya was trying to do. Would you like to share why you feel platforms like Yaaya are much needed?

Toyin O:

I feel like, in this day and age, a lot of black girls are … misguided. It is really hard to find inspiration and motivation, especially in this industry where the media is telling you how to look. Music videos are telling you that if you shake your booty, look good, and are light-skinned, you will get far in life. To be honest, we haven't got enough inspirational women out there that are going to stand up for women of all colours and say “yes, you are beautiful regardless of what you look like.”

Yaaya:

By “enough inspirational women out there”, do you mean celebrities?

Toyin O:

Most of these celebrities that young women are looking up to are contradictory of women themselves. Some are saying that they are not trying to be a role model but are still feeding off the fan-base of people that are trying to be like them and making money off of it. Seriously?!

So it is good to have a platform where it's a positive message and women can actually learn from each other. We need more social initiatives like this because women are getting lost.

Yaaya:

Can you elaborate?

Toyin O:

Young girls are saying basically, “I just want to be kept, I don't need to be successful because if Amber Rose can go from a stripper to a house-wife, so can I.” Girls are not even trying to make their own money now: “I need to find a rich guy, marry, and I am good.” That is what some of these reality shows and celebrities are showing them. So, It's good to have space where like-minded women are visible to remind us that you can be independent, successful, and just keep it classy.

The Journalist In Profile

 

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Yaaya:

You are currently a Lifestyle and Entertainment Journalist at International Business Times UK. Can you tell us more about your role?

Toyin O:

Basically, I am the person in the office that gets to do the … interesting stuff (smiles).

Our publication is business, but like The Financial Times, we also have sections for sport, lifestyle and entertainment. I am the designated lifestyle and entertainment writer in the office, so I get to cover fashion, lifestyle, celebrity news, showbiz, art, music … anything that comes under that umbrella. And I get to just go to really cool events, meet people. Some people will say I get to do the 'soft' journalism - some will say it as a good thing, some will say “it's not really journalism”.

I like to mix it up as well. Because I am lifestyle and entertainment writer and a general writer in the office as well, I get thrown in to do more [hard-hitting news], which I like. A while ago, I did a story about Stella Damasus, I don't even know how to pronounce her name right, sorry. She is a Nollywood actress, and she spoke about …

Yaaya:

“Child Not Bride” …

Toyin O:

Yes – child marriage. And I felt really touched by it. It's not really my area because we have foreign writers in the office but I said to a colleague, “she is a Nigerian celebrity [who has spoken up about child marriage in Africa]”, to which he replied “we don't really know her”. However, I said “well, she is known! And I think it's a big story.” So I wrote that story, even though it's not really under my bracket.

Yaaya:

How long have you been in the role then?

Toyin O:

I have been at the International Business Times since … it's going to be almost three years.

Yaaya:

And what has your journey been like into journalism? How did you get into journalism?

Toyin O:

It has been hard (laughs). Like most graduates, when I was in uni I was very naïve. I sort of thought “okay, if I get a degree then I will come out and get a job”. Nah! So I came out, had my degree, I was just like yeah, started applying for all these journalism roles, writer roles and administrative roles. All sorts of roles ... anything and everything to get me into the door.

I applied over the course of a year and a bit. I was very stubborn, I didn't apply for anything else but journalism related roles. And everyone was like "no, no, no". I think I got about two hundred "nos", and some of them didn't even bother replying. Literally!

Yaaya:

That is tough. Unfortunately, in this job climate, it is a situation that a lot of young people can identify with.

Toyin O:

I had been unemployed during time , so my partner was like "babe, seriously you're not working and you need to sort of look elsewhere for now, and apply for jobs you might not necessarily want but that would build up your experience." Unfortunately when I was in university, I made the mistake of doing only one internship, which was the mandatory one for my course. So when I came out of university, I actually didn't have that much experience. Even though, in theory I did, and I could write. It's just that my CV just looked really plain.

Yaaya:

What was your game plan?

Toyin O:

So after I got my wake up call about a year and half in, I just thought let me take a retail position. It hurt my pride. I took the job just to pay the bills, and while I was there I started applying for internships. I applied for a few, got a few nos.

Then I finally just tired one day so I walked in, this is how unhappy I was, I woke up one day and I said "babe, I'm going to the West End to hand out my CV, I'm going to go to their offices, because whenever I hand out the CV nobody replies or they say ‘no’. So if I meet them face to face, I can blag my way in."

Yaaya:

Wow!

Toyin O:

I left my house around eight o'clock in the morning, and walked the West End up and down looking for all these addresses I had collected. I went into their offices and a lot of them said "no, we can't see you, you have to [apply] online."

Luckily enough, I went to Bauer Media, the Heat offices. Do you know Heat magazine?

Yaaya:

Yes.

Toyin O:

So I walked in, and literally blagged my way in.

Yaaya continues the conversation in Part 2 of our five-part post where Toyin talks to Yaaya about bagging her first internship at Heat magazine and what sustains her love for journalism.

Like this post? Leave your comments below to continue to support Yaaya’s vision of providing platforms to voice powerful stories of incredible women like Toyin. Invite others to join the conversation by sharing this post!

Image Source | These images do not belong to Yaaya. Image courtesy of Toyin Owoseje.

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Maya Angelou, "Bringing The Gifts That My Ancestors Gave"

“I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.”

~ Maya Angelou

“Still I Rise”, “I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings” and “Phenomenal Woman” are all works of Dr. Maya Angelou filled with words and images which have simultaneously humbled, enriched, humoured and taught many across the globe. At 86 years old, Maya Angelou’s life has “ended”, but her long lasting mark on literature, poetry, American history and most of all people’s hearts, has and will outlive her. The goodness of humanity, the diversity of human life and a tirelessly fighting spirit are wrapped up in this Arkansas Southern Belle.

Here at Yaaya we think of Dr. Angelou as a teacher, a healer and wisdom giver, due to her loving and resilient nature, which has been an undeniable force in the 20^th and 21^st century. Her words, stories and experiences carry a weight steeped in history, trauma and joy, which has been to both young and old and powerful and powerless, a guide and comforter through challenging and triumphant times.

The magnitude of her presence and words, has not only struck chords amongst her dearest literary admirers, but also those within the realm of politics, music and sport. Respect is what she demands, and respect is what she is given. Wisdom is what she exudes, and listening ears is what she receives. Grace is what she illuminates, and her light is what we absorb.

With all the attributes that Yaaya celebrates in women such as power, resilience, leadership, ambition and success, Dr. Angelou is all this and then some. Be it through her storytelling gifts, her poetic celebration of womanhood and African ancestry, her life as a singer, dancer, actor, cook, young single mother, civil rights activist, professor, film and television producer, playwright or traveller, these snapshots illustrate a colourful and richly lived existence.

Depending on the decade or decades in which she assumed many of these roles, she fought and overcame racial prejudice and sexism refusing to let these experiences define her reality or limit her aspirations. In her later life, the experience and wisdom she gained through living through over eight decades, befriending historical icons like Dr. Martin Luther King Jr and acting as critical social commentator, earned her over 30 honorary degrees, the mentor of choice for the powerful and famous, and an unwavering, endearing respect across the world.

Ever true to her Southern and African American roots, she is seen by many as being one of the prominent voices of Black America in modern times which is easily visible in her writings. To borrow some of her own words to celebrate her life and her longevity despite it's end, it is fitting to say: “We the descendants of the enslaved, children of the South, we never say that someone has died. You never die. You “pass over.” Maya, you have passed over. But your legacy will live with us forever. You. Are. Yaaya.

Image Source | Image does not belong to Yaaya. Image courtesy of Dr. Maya Angelou, The Official Website.

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